- What now?

- Try again, Today.

- Again?

- You're asking as if this isn't the eleventy-eighth time.  What else would expect I'd say?

- Let's play h-o-r-s-e again.

- Fuck you, I let you win, so you could feel good.

me

do the fuckin' reading, asshole!

- Nope, you're a whore.

- What are you talking about? That was nothing but net—

- Has to bounce off the board—

- Well in this case, nothing but air.

- Nope, h-o-r.  What does that spell?

- You didn't say anything about off the board.

- Mine did.  

- Yea, so?

- You have to make the same shot.

- I did.

- h-o-r—

- Mine was swish!

- You got your r, you got your r!

- Yours barely went in!

- Doesn't matter.  It has to—You got your r, you got your r!  It had to go off the board, playa.

- You didn't say that.

- One more letter and you lose.

- What about the e, stupid?

- Oh, I forgot.

- You can't just set the rules to your convience after you make the shot.

- It was implied.

- What, with your spelling?

- With my shot.

- You have call it before the shot, any stipulation.

- You're a stipulation.

- I made it, Today.  Isn't that all that matters?

- You're still just going to be a ho.

"What a drag!"

Game ends in a lackluster draw.  Came away with a point from today.  The home supporters leave the stadium feeling disappointed.

The manager's keen to have his celebratory cigarette.  A worrisome sign.  The press papers surely will deride him for the offhand gesture.

- Are you okay?  Today?  Today...

- Huh-what? 

- Don't want to bother you.

- Oh, looking at myself in the mirror.

- You looked thoughtful.

- Oh, I was.

- Hope you're okay. 

- Worried how I'm going to take all this weight off.

- Let's go swimming, then we can go eat. 

- I'm on a diet.

- That's why we go swimming.  But you have to watch what you eat.

- Oh, I will.

- We're not going to get soup with nothing in it.  Let's go, the pool's downstairs, but you have to take a shower first.

When I go lap swimming, and feel my body get caught up in the water, I look down at the long blue line at the bottom of the pool, and let it be my guide.  I fix my direction on that blue line, and concentrate on it as I feel my body weaken, until I get back to where I started and complete my lap.

- Do you think I'm delusional?

- It's okay, I am too.

- So you think I am?

- I just said, I am too.

- That means I am too.

- So you are...?

- Is that a question?

- Is there a question mark behind it?

- Yes.

- Then it was.

- No, I won't have it.

- Have what?

- Any of it.

- Any of what?

- All of it.

- Not even a little?  

- Stop messing with me.

- Then let me sleep.

- I'm afraid of my dreams.

- I don't c—

- She was at a laundry mat.

- Great.  What was she doing, her laundry?

- There were people there.

- Oh great.

- She was with other people.

- What were they doing?

- Their laundry. 

- Have you been bringing home a lot of wet clothes from the gym for your mom to wash?

- The laundry mat was down the street from me.

- Oh no.

- That means she was visiting.

- The laundromat?

- She knows that I live here.  She came and went without letting me know.  That means she didn't want to see me.

- Is there a laundromat down the street from you?

- No.

- Then leave me alone, Today.

- This is going to be great.  Go for the crab legs!  Make sure you go for the crab legs.

- I don't like crab legs.  

- We always go for the crab legs.  You gotta go for the crab legs, or you're an idiot!

- You go with your new friends?

- Here, grab some of the crab legs.

- No.

- Yea, those guys love to eat here.  Who wouldn't?  Hey, after the crab legs—you didn't get any crab legs?

- You're an idiot, Today.

- Let's go to the Mongolian grill section.  When the guy's not looking, use your hands to pack all the meat down in your bowl, so you can add more meat.

- You've been here before right?  

- Uh-huh, this is our spot.

- So haven't you figured out that it's already all-you-can-eat?  Why don't you just get another bowl after you're done?  You've already paid for that right.

- Damn right.  But it takes too long for the guy to cook everyone's food, then you gotta get in line again.  I don't want to get stuffed while waiting.

- What do you mean?

- You gotta trick your brain.

- You're learning so much in there.

- Yea, you got like 20 minutes to eat as much as you can before your brain realizes what's going on.

- That bastard!

- Don't let the waitresses see you doing it though—I mean, you can, but they give you dirty looks.

- Because of all the food that gets thrown away?  

- Yea, it's a waste of money.  

- What do they care?  They're just workers.  

- They care enough to give me dirty looks.  

- Maybe it's cause they know you're a cheapskate. 

- They're always giving me dirty looks.

- Probably cause you're not their boyfriend.  They probably just want you out for the next group.  They know at some point you can't physically fool them any longer.

- Hey, it's all-you-can-eat, not all-your body-can-take.

- This is your plan?

- Yep.

- Looks like a rock concert.

- We're just on the outskirts.  We can't awake the heart of it.

- Why not?

- Well, for one thing, they'll probably key the car, steal what they can grab, or steal you, my precious.

- Come on, let's go to the buffet.

- There's one.  Hand it to him.

- He wants another one, for his friend he says.

- All right, fine.

- Hold on, his friend is coming.

- Yea right.

- No, he's in a wheelchair.

- Okay give it to him.  

- Do we have any vodka?  He wants vodka.

- Roll up the window.

- Can't you do it?  This isn't 1980.

- Oh, right.

- Well, are you gonna go back?

- Shut up and keep talking—there's another one.  Hey, you hungry?  Give him one, he's an active one.  That's what I like to see!

- How long do we have to do this?

- We got until 11:59 buddy.

- Oh, look at this one's eyes.

- Don't talk to him.  Just hand it.

- He said give me another one—what a jerk.

- Don't get your feelings hurt.  

- These are gonna end up traded goods, yo. 

- Probably will.

- That guy wasn't even hungry and he took it.

- You're just saying that cause you're mad at him.

- Well, he didn't look hungry—he looked possessed.

- Then he's gonna have to eat if he wants to keep up his high.  It doesn't matter right now.

- What if he's a rapist?

- It doesn't matter.

- What do you mean it doesn't matter?

- Because we gotta click Post, asshole.

- We can get a lot of desserts at the buffet.

- Then look for another one.

- Another what?  Are you mad at me?

- Another bum!

- Why?

- So you're not thinking about yourself for awhile.

- I hope it's only for a little while.

- Me too.

- There's a lot over there.  What if they try to punch me?

- Then they're definitely mad at you. 

- Are you going to give them some?

- No.

- Why?

- Cause I don't have enough material and they might scratch the car.

- You can't feed all of them.

- We're not even feeding half the ones who took the bags, brown paper bags.  

- It's a nice bag.

- It sure is, Today.  Why don't you tell us what's inside?

- We have a water, an apple, a tangerine, a pack of peanuts—this lucky one has beef jerky—

- Stumbled upon a Premium one, eh?

- ...two packs of cheese crackers, chips, a grape drink—that's pretty racist.

- The Mexicans will drink it too, it's got sugar.  We should've gotten some of those spicy chips, Fuegos, they call it.

- But you can't feed all of them.

- But we're not really doing this for them, are we?

- You picked up.

- Well, you called.

- I just wanted to hear your voicemail.

- Oh.

- Yea.

- Okay.

- Me too.

- Oh.

- Eh.

- Another shitty day.

- What did you do?

- Everything I was supposed to do.  Nothing I wanted to.

- Then you're a hero.

- I don't feel like one.

- You're not supposed to.

- I want to drink.

- Big deal, I want to drink all the time.  If it was up to me, I'd be at a resort right now.

- But I have money now.

- What stopped you from drinking when you didn't have any?

- Nothing...these people suck. 

- Do you believe in God?

- Yea, but I gotta deal with the weather.

- Come on.

- Well, sometimes, but people get in the way.  They keep bugging me in class.  I was helping this guy pass out the books, and he said, "Give me the little ones," but I absentmindedly started handing him the big books, and he said, "These are the big ones," and I said, "I didn't hear you say the little ones."  But then I realized I was actually repeating the words he had said—so it means I had heard him say little ones.

- You just weren't paying attention at the time.

- And as I was telling him, I realized the smug bastard thought I'm was lying to him!

- What?  You lost me there.  

- I don't know, it's not important.

- Do you remember his name?

- He told me once, but I don't remember.

- You weren't paying attention.

- But I thought I was—I don't know, it's not important.

- Your brain was, but you weren't.  People were bugging me, too.

- What did you do?  Did you tell them to scram?

- Not Today.  I was...I was about to say, Scram!  But then I realized that I wasn't even listening and he still kept on talking.  So I just started laughing.  That's why I asked you about God.

- What does this have to do with God?

- Because he has a wicked sense of humor.

- How do you know?

- I don't.  It just helped me to think that, Today.   I just know that person stopped bugging me.

- Oh, he got angry and shut up?

- No, he kept on talking and went merrily on his way.  It wasn't him that was bothering me.  

- Was it some broad?

- Were you this stupid when I met you?

- Hey!

- And what are you doing standing there—make the coffee!

- What?

- Nothing, messing around.  I'll call you back.

- I'm not going to pick up.

- Thanks.

- That was a funny joke; she should have laughed more.

- It was.

- I better go tell her.

- Let it go, Today.  We already got our food...and I'm hungry.  

- Probably flirty with the cook—What's she doing with hamburgers when she's got prime rib right here?

- There's a table.  Come on.

- All right.

- So this is your campus, huh?

- Lots of girls!  

- Pray they have a sense of humor.

- Uh-oh, that guy's going to want to say hi.  Introduce yourself first so he can give you his name.  I've already gone a few exchanges to ask him his name now—better yet, let's go back around the other way.

- Just sit down.

- Okay, I'll have my back to him.  But if he comes around, you throw your name out before he talks to me.

- Why don't you just call him Playa.

- I'll figure it out while we eat...

- This looks really good.

- One of these days he's going to test me, I just know it...

- I think it's a pretty smart choice.

- Prolly just avoid him from now on...

- What were you talking about?  I wasn't listening...protein on my mind.

- Hey, I'm going to get a membership to the gym.  I took a tour of the place.

- Take advantage of the guest pass, Today.  You do it a couple times, and you can go with the momentum of a routine.  The hardest part is the anxiety before taking action, or in your case, the laziness.

- Oh, I'm going to take action—the tour girl told me they have financial aid available.

- For the gym?  

- Yea, I'm being real coy with her when it comes to fees because I want that money, but she's hot, too—so I don't want her to know I'm a freeloader.

- The gym's not going to give you money.

- Why not?  The school did.

- You gonna study, Workin' out?  The gym's a business—well, so is the school, but they mean a lighter payment plan for the poor.

- So how can I get them to think I'm poor—

- And the girl to think you don't live with your parents?

- Exactly.

- Why don't you ask your classmate?  The upstart.

- Oh that guy's making moves.  He's always got his ear to the street.

- You've had your ear to the street, too, lots of times.  Remember when I had to take you home?  Hey!  Sign up for the gym before you don't know what else to do with your hard earned money.

- All right, all right.

- And I'll go with you on your guest pass to get you into the habit, you know, sooner better than later.

- All right, I will...I got some homework to do tonight.  I want to keep up with this grandma for teacher's favor.

- Guess what?

- You have a plan.

- Oh, right, the fuckin' plan...

- What?

- Nothing, talking into air.

- What was it, your plan?

- Stop saying Plan—I can't work under these deadlines and parameters!

- What?

- Nothing, talking into air again... All right, you're free on Sunday?

- Yea.

- Nothing better to do with your time?

- I got some reading to do.

- Are you going to do it?

- I'll probably just think about myself.

- And you want to pay me back?

- Oh, definitely.  I'll do better than—Wait...you sly dog, I know what you're thinking!

- I don't think you do...

- Hey, buddy, you never called me back.  

- I did, you didn't pick up.

- You didn't leave a message; I didn't know if you had a Business or Social agenda in mind.  I figured you're thinking it over.

- Funny.

- Well, you said you had a plan in mind.

- No, you're right, Today.  I did—I still do.  I got caught up with myself.

- That's dangerous; you might never need a girlfriend again.

- Shut up.  

- I waited for you.  You didn't come by.

- I know.  It's dark now.  I got caught up with my ego.

- You have an ego, too?

- Oh, yea, a big one.  It's the heart of darkness.  I was pretty proud of my dietary choices and exercise routine yesterday so I wore a really stylish outfit.  This matches that and that matches this.

- I bet everybody wanted to cheat on each other when you passed by.

- That's the thing, I thought so, too.  Then I got resentful when they didn't!

- Well, that's perfectly reasonable.

- Yea for me and you.  But the next day, I ate everything, then ate everything else afterwards.  Then I slept.  But you know what?  I think it's just my body reacting to my vanity...

- The first three letters of that word make me picture a van.

- It's like my body couldn't keep up with my ego, unrealistic expectations, or the way I approach things.

- Or it could be the spirit of the universe reacting to your ego.

- Good point. 

- Yea, you think so?  School's working!

- I can tell.  And sometimes I need to be reminded.

- Hey, I feel fat, too.  I've been going to a lot of all-you-can-eat buffets with my classmates.  We're growing a king's belly.  Well, I'll be here tomorrow.

- I know—

- Hey, call me back real—

- No.

I'm going to eat the shit out of this place.

ring ring...

- Hello?

- What's up, player?

- Who is this?

- Today!

- You don't have a phone.

- Financial aid came in.

- Oh, God.

- Yea, this is really top of the line.  It's supposed to be the best—the guy told me.

- What guy?

- The guy who sold it to me...my classmate.

- Your classmate?

- Yea, he's a real upstart.  He said he's got a girlfriend and everything.  He gave me a real good deal, too.  Listen, I made a voice-mail that's very professional and shit.

- For your hookah reservations?

- They press 1 for Business, or press 2 for Social—but it all goes to the same voice mail!  

- You're a real jewel.

- I know, it's real classy.  Those assclowns won't know the difference.  I'm telling you, things are really coming up Today.

- I guess I'm happy you're coming up.

- You don't sound so happy... Hey, you don't sound like yourself.  What's up, playa?

- Stop calling me that.

- Sorry, I'm trying to fit in here.  So, what is it?

- I don't know, I don't feel good.

- What's wrong?

- Just some thoughts.

- What is it?

- Lovers wrapped up in cellophane.

- You're out of cigarettes? Call Marlboro.

- I'm not out of cigarettes.

- Yea, you'll never run out of cigarettes.  

- (sighs) You're funny.

- Just trying to distract you.  Hey, when the wind comes, I just let it go.

- You learn that in class?

- What can I do to cheer you up?  I got money now.

- It's not about cheering me up.  But, I got an idea of something we can do.

- Ok, I'll be here.  Come by.

- Okay, what we're going to—

- Hey, call me back real quick. (click)

- What?

 (ring ring...)

- Hi, you have reached Today!  I am unable to answer your call right now, but will return promptly.  For Business, press—

- (click) Fuckin Today...

It's over.  It's not happening anymore.  Whatever may be happening now is a different matter.  But what was happening years ago, for whatever reason you still think about it, or see it happening, you can take comfort in knowing it is not happening anymore.

By thinking about it, all I'm doing is indulging the sickness.  I'm a sick man; I'm a—no time for jokes!  

By thinking about I'm inviting it.

How do I stop it?

I can only accept.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it. 

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it,

- What do you think of my English essay?  I'm supposed to write about people I admire.

- I can't believe you're doing this.  

- Why not?  You believed Marlboro Black was made in honor of you.

- Those classes are meant to teach newcomers English.

- I thought you said I was a newcomer?

- I said you're no spring chicken.  Nevermind.  Whatever.  Let me see:

People I Admire by Today.

I don't like people who are motivated by money because they make more money than me and start families.  Their success is measured by money and how many little ones they pop out, and technically that makes them more successful than me.  Lots of people I know are technically more successful than me.  Some are in business, and some are trying to become lawyers and doctors.  Women go with them because they provide security—

"Go with them?"

- Uh-huh.

- ... They are not artists.  Some artists make money off their work and they are also technically more successful than me.  A lot of these people ignore me.  I don't like these people because they are stupid, and they're motivated by money.  Some people I know have businesses or careers and make money.  They call me sometimes so we can go eat.  I like those people.

- What do you think?  I think it gives me street cred.

- You live with your parents.

- Days of the week don't live with their parents.

- At least pretend you're learning the language—you're sentences all, technically, make sense.

- Are you kidding?  Some of the people in there, the teacher already thinks are great writers.  But some keep failing. 

- Keep, "Go with Them."  Definitely.

- There's a husband and wife that keep arguing in class.

- Why?

- The husband doesn't want any of the other guys to look at her.

- Hey.

- What is it?  I don't have any spare—Oh, it's you.

- Good one.  

- I know, I heard someone else say it.

- That was me.  Well, you sound cheery.

- Oh, you're right.  I think you used it on me once.

- On you it's not a joke—ohh!  Got you.

- Scum liar!

- So did you do anything to make yourself useful today?

- Funny.

- No, seriously, Today.  Remember what we said about doing something different to try to change your thought patterns?

- Well I was asked to lead a Procrastinators' meeting, but then they called and said they're going to have it later.

- Come on, you may not be your thoughts, but you'll always be your actions, Today.

- You probably read that in a book.

- I'm sure I've heard it before.

- Okay, I'll tell you.  It's not much.  I was hanging out at the local campus...

- What were you doing, absorbing the scenery?

- Eating...and checking out the girls.  I heard one guy say there's a student with assburgers or authorism who needs someone to take notes for him during class...

- Great, so you volunteered.

- No, why?  He was already doing that; I signed up for a class on campus.

- Oh, well, still...brush up on some learning...keeps you busy—what class?

- English!

- But you already know English.

- Yea, but you can get some financial aid money.  Straight up, cash.

- Jesus.

- Put some money together, and then I can open up my own hookah bar.