- Tell them to get in their stupid cars, give up their spot, so I can park there.

- Will you shut up!  I've had enough of you today.

- Let's key that car.

- Okay, but we gotta find parking first.

- Of course, the key is in the ignition—idiot!  I'm such an idiot!

- Shut up, I said, Today.

- I'm steaming!

- What's a matter, Today?

- Her!

- What?

- That one right there!  Her—her friend, too.  But mainly her.

- What'd she do?

- She didn't laugh at my jokes.

- So what?

- She doesn't like me—she didn't laugh at my jokes.  Someone else!  Someone else is her liking him!

- What?

- She was probably thinking of her boyfriend, that tramp—her current boyfriend.

- She could have been.

- And then all of a sudden, they don't know each other anymore. They know what each other looks like naked, but they don't know each other.

- You should arrest them.

- Let me tell you something, if she didn't laugh at my jokes, then she's stupid, she's got some feminist racist vendetta against me...

- Racist feminists, huh?

- Or she was thinking about some...some chump.

- So maybe it went over her head.

- Don't patronize me.

- So what if she wasn't listening to what you have to say.

- I don't like it.  It displeases me.

- I can tell—you went from smile to homicidal.

- If she doesn't—let me tell you something, that's why people like me...people like me write the books and people like her read them.

- Which books?

- I'm just saying.  So she can tell other people she's read this and that.

- Other guys.

- Especially other guys—why else say you do anything?  So he can fuck her!  That's why.  So she can sit at a coffee shop and hold the book over her face like a cunt.

- This is great third-date talk.  

- She's a lady on the street until she fornicates. 

- I don't want to hear this anymore.

- She wants to get gifted.

- What did we say about the ego?

- That some dogs are bitches.

- If you're going to talk like that, it does me no good to listen to you.

- Oh, so you're going to ignore me, too.

- They're not ignoring you—they're just indifferent.

- Well that's even worse!

- And her indifference could be the sea, but what does that have to do with you?

- Fuck her!

- I don't think she wants you to, buddy boy...

- Eh.

- Come on...you know, such is life.

- That's what she probably says to her French lover when she thinks about me!  He's probably not even French, but just speaks it, and that gets her—

- Hot to trot.  Let me ask you a question, do you have stuff you should be doing right now?

- Are you asleep?

- Yes.

- Can I ask you a question?

- In your dreams.

- Do you think all dogs like me?

- Are you fuckin kidding me?  Ara, go to sleep.

- It hurts my feelings when I think a dog might not like me.

- Jesus Christ.

- Because I like all dogs.  Even pitbulls—it's not their fault their owners are assholes.

- Do you know what egotistical means?

- It's when you think you're the shit, and everyone else is gay.

- Sort of.  But the ego lies with your fascination of how you are perceived.  And the tendency to get emotional because you are not regarded in a way you feel you should be, is sort of egotistical.

- What does that have to do with the little cuteness monsters?  

- Go to sleep, Today.

- I don't think I'm the shit.  

- Today? Today?  C'mon buddy, where are you?  Today?  Come on, I know you're in here.  Look, I didn't mean it—it's not a big deal.  My promises are just as flimsy as yours, if not more.

- Go away.

- Ah, you spoke to me!  You want to make amends.

- Leave me alone.

- Well, it's a start.  Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.  I was projecting, but now, I'm simply sorry I hurt you. Don't hide in here on account of me.  I shouldn't have that much influence over you.

- Oh, you don't.

- Maybe not on my own, wise guy.  Come on, let's go outside.  Let's make something of our lives today—I'll buy you cigarettes.

- I have a pack.

- How'd you get a pack?

- I don't need you to undermine me everytime I ask for one.

- I know; I won't. 

- Someone gave it to me.

- Come on, have one with me outside.  Let's make something of the day.

- You're not going to make me pass out food to those bums outside are you?

- Yea, but then we'll go someplace and have a nicer lunch than them.  We'll get our dessert.

- Well, maybe.

- They'll be girls to look at.  And they'll look at you!

- Okay, hold on, I'm coming out.

- I want to be normal, Today.

- You can't.

- Maybe you can't; no one wants to date a day of the week.  Ah, jeez, I didn't mean it that way.  Today?  I went and hurt his feelings again.

- (sighs). 

- Have one.

- I'm good.

- C'mon, be somebody.

- I just had one.

- All right, then let me get one of yours.  I'll trade you.

- Here.  Pull it out.

- Thanks.

- Let me see your pack.

- You got me!

- I'll do the bathroom; you mop the front.

- Okay.

- Hey, make sure you dust mop first.

- Yea yea.

- And use the little broom and pan looking thing.

- Whatever.

- I'll whatever you.

- Enjoy scrubbing the toilet.

- I might...if I'm exposed to it enough times.

- uh uh ee ee ah ah ee ee uh uh ee ee ah ahah—and that's how you dance!  

uh uh ee ee ah ah ee ee uh uh ee ee ah ahah—and that's how you dance!  

- You're making a fool of yourself.

-  uh uh ee ee ah ah ee ee uh uh ee ee ah ahah—and that's how you dance

- Stop it.

- Shut up, Today.  uh uh ee ee ah—

- Okay, then let's dance!

- Just go to sleep.

- She wants to have a threesome.

- Does it bother you?

- Yes.

- Then go to sleep.

- But she said she wanted to have a baby.

- Can you have a baby?

- No, only she can.

- Then go to sleep, Today.

- But I can't sleep.

- Trust that your body will get tired.

- What if it doesn't?

- Then take comfort in that fact till it does.  It feels good knowing you can't deny a fact, doesn't it?

- I guess so.

- Good night, Today.

- Whenever I'm idle, I realize, my life's kind of empty...you know?  How long can I keep this charade up?  Sometimes, I feel like I'm wearing this mask, that I gotta—

- I'm not going to let you borrow more money; I know your pensive hour.

- Oh.  What are we at, is it—

- It's a square even ten.  But I'm not concerned about that right now...

- Not right now?

- Just work on keeping your head up.  I don't want you using this to...

- But you're gonna want it later?

- Sonuvebitch.

- Of course—what am I saying?  Of course, it was a square deal—

- Will you shut up and let me talk for once?

- Sorry.  Go ahead.

- I don't want to add any extra stress from my end; knowing you, you'll use stress to boost the potency of your cravings.

- I am pretty hungry, but I'm short on—

- Shut up.

- Okay.

- What have you done today to keep you from doing the same thing over again?

- Umm...what?

- What have you done today to keep you from repeating the same mistakes?  What have you done differently to prevent your mind from falling into the same patterns as before?

- You mean before you gave me the six bucks?

- Ten.

- Ten, right.  

- Come on.

- Oh, there's so many days in the week—why me?

- What?

- It's my day off.

- There are no days off.  What do you do when your mind gets idle?

- None of your business—C'mon, I'm hungry.

- I'm not your business partner.

- okay

- All right, sorry.  I didn't mean it like that. We'll go eat.

- Let's go now.

- I don't want this bum outside my store begging for change.

- Hey, I'm no bum; I'm a Capitalist.

- Today?

- It's an investment...jerk.

- I got this, Al.

- ...jerky, jerk, jerk.

- Get him outta here.

- I'll take him—Don't worry, Al.  I got him.

- Just get him outta here.

- Okay.

- Hey, Buddy!  Do you want to get some breakfast?

- Are you drunk, Today?

- He stinks of booze. 

- Here, grab on to me.

- He stinks, he does.  I don't want him around.

- I don't stink—I'm drunk!  The jerk...

- Come on, Today; let's go.  I'll see you later, Al.

- Take care of the fool.

- Don't worry, I'll make sure he gets the care he—

- Shut up, Today.  Let's go.

- Do you still want the three dollars I owe you?

- It's not three—it's ten.

- Oh...are you...shhhuure?

- Yea, I'm sure.  What happened to you?  You were doing so good.

- The Russian broad came over—Hey!  Don't you call her Russian...she's my girlfriend.

- She's not your girlfriend.

- She wanted alcohol...sweet, maple syrup.

- Yea, did she even get any?

- I gave it to her.

- Did she get any of the alcohol?

- Oh, I gave it to her good!

- She's not good for you, Today.  I should have never given you money.  You were doing so good.

- I love you.  You're my business partner, you know that?

- Come on, let's go.

- These days, you can get breakfast all day...

- Buddy boy, c'mere a minute.  I want to talk to you.

- What's up, Bob?

- Name's not Bob.

- Yea, and what's my name?

- Good point.  Hear you been looking for Today—Where's your drink?

- No drink; just Today.  So you've seen him?

- Oh, no; I haven't seen him.

- So why'd you call me over here?

- (Marcy) He just needs someone to talk to.

- I gotta go. 

- Tell me your feelings.  Another round, Marcy. (Shouting after him) I want to absorb your emotions!

- (Marcy) Absorb this, Bob.

-  Seen Today around?

- (Marcy, wiping down beer mug) Not today.  Why?  You didn't let him borrow money did you?

- I gotta go.

- Where are you going?

- Isn't it obvious?  I'm going to buy some TV dinners.

- You intrigue me...

- Just living out the dream.

- You'd think you'd cut back on granular spending, seeing as how...

- I'm not that kind of man, Roxenne.

- Love how you don't say the wrong name right.

- I don't get off on the smug assurance of saving money, like other men.  No, the power of value, of a good deal—it doesn't do it for me.

- Hot.

- ... It's either that or let my mother sabotage my diet every night.  

- So arroused right now...

- I mean, Mom. Then resent her for my own weaknesses—I mean, I don't think she's plotting.

- Nothing weak with what you got.

- You sexualize me.

- Uh-hmm...

- Have you seen Today?

I owe you some money right?  Today goes, What is it, 2, 3 dollars?

- 6.

- $6, of course.   Are sure it's 6—of course it is. What am I saying?  How could it not be—you sure?

- I'm pretty sure, buddy.  I was certain the last time you asked.

- Right, of course, of course it is.

- You don't have it, do you?

- Oh, well, listen: it's no problem.  But why don't you give me—if you were to give me 4 dollars, see?

- 4 more dollars?

- Yes.

- On top of the 6?

- That way I can return to you an even 10 dollars on your investment this time next week.

- My investment?

- Of course.

- ...I love it!

I let Today borrow more money because I was in such a good, passive mood.

Today was trying too hard.  Take it easy, buddy!  You don't have to pay me all at once.  I gave today a noogie, and sent him on his way.

Today came  

and needed to eat some salad.

I was chopping lettuce.

So I did, I did—

I let Today borrow some money.

- Tags God in—and the crowd goes wild!

- Today couldn't get there in time.

- You can't keep a man away from his own conception.

- That's right Jim, the last place Today wants to be is in a vertical suplex from God.

- Oh what he wouldn't give to be at the kitchen table with his mommy! 

- He hits the ropes—Hurricanrana!

- Today's not getting up from that!

- He's thinking about spreading some cream cheese on his toast and dipping it in his tea.

- His tea?

- 1-2-3, forget about it!

- We have new tag team champions!

- Give them the belts!

A strong, silent type man nods to another day as they pass one another on the sidewalk. The man is wearing a black coat, and a large hat.  There is no confrontation, nor is there ill-will in the exchange; neither are there any further pleasantries.  There is only regular walking, and no indication of fancy walking.  

The Almighty Diet Coke may have to go.

But I don't need water, I'm not hungover. 

lots of grunting

I feel like a construction worker!

There's not much to say.  I never claimed to be an artist; I'm a man of opportunity.  I knew where the line was drawn, and I knew full-well what I had to do to get over it.  Any poacher would have seized the moment on impulse.  Anybody else would have done the same.  It came from the corner, and the bumbling novice made a muck of it.  I tapped it in—of course I did.  I scored a goal against today. 

We feel fat this morning

sometimes feelings are a matter of body chemistry I heard someone say, so I shouldn't get all bent out of shape if I don't feel good, or sad, or terroristic, and bombs—my stomach hurts...  And glory, morning glory...

Here, I'd like to reference myself again:

Drop off the kids

and drop some bombs;

open up the flood gates—

Here I comes!

fade 

away jumper,

right over today.