- I love you, Today.

- I think I'll get the blueberry flavor.

- You know you can get a mix, like White Melon Grape, or Pomegranate Cranberry, Strawberry Mint or somethin'—I dunno, those might just be juice flavors I'm thinking of.  Whatever, you decide.

- No, just blueberry.

- Ok, I'll tell the waitress...

- She smiled at me.

- She smiled at me, too.

- You think she likes me?

- Who knows.  Probably not...but maybe.

- I just like it when she smiles at me.

- Me too.  We should smile more often.  Someone else might like it when we smile—

- So much eyefucking going on here!

I was pacing around for hours.  I couldn't pray.  I couldn't pray at all.  I thought I was beyond that now.  That I had been exposed and there's no room left for me, no room for me to even believe. I thought the world despised me—that my writing too was evidence of shit!—and everybody has been waiting.

It had all become clear to me again.  I hate when that happens.

And sometimes, I just need to get my ass kicked to come back to life.

He's here.

Not here, over there ~~~~>

still can't find the house show channel...?

- Where is Today?

let's hope he doesn't trip...

he's coming...

- Counting your tips on the job again?

- (Marcy) What are you doing here?  That time a month again?

- No, not yet.  I want to break through my 30 day wall before next year.

- (Marcy) Where are you at this time?

- Don't be condescending, woman—I dunno, I started mid-second week.

- (Marcy) Now, sexually, that hawkish tone is doing wonders for me.

- You seen Today?

- (Marcy) You don't learn, do you?  How much this time?

- Shit, I never got him anything—and what do you care, you're not getting gifted by me.

- (Marcy) Hot!  No, baby, he hasn't come by.

- He hasn't?  This is better than a pageview reason for him to—we just went at it...

- (Marcy) Why would you—

- Shut up, I don't need you anymore.

- (Marcy) Do me! With your insecurities!

- Where is he...where is Today?

- You're back?

- Yep...nice night to be out somewhere...don't you think?

- Did you send the package I gave you?

- Like somewhere with smoke...heaters...and girls...?

- No.

- Got a stooge?

- You're manipulative, you know that?

- But I just want to hang out with you.  

- No, Today, you act according to your interests. You run based on how you can get what you want at the moment.

- Are you angry at me?

- Did you send the fuckin' letter like I asked you to?

- Why are you mad at me?

- Because you're my addiction!

- (exit Today)

- Crybaby.

- Did you get some sleep?  You were so nervous yesterday.

- A little, troubled sleep.  What are your dreams like?

- You and me, hanging out at a hookah bar.

- I'll take you for Christmas.

- Can we go tonight?

- No, I have to plan out something to get my blog back.

- You can do your planning there.  You'll look like a busy man in front of all the hotties.

- I'm so stupid—

- They won't know that—

- I shouldn't have told you.  Now you're going to ask me everyday until we go.

- It's my dream—

- It's not your dream...oh wait, I guess it is your dream.

- Yea...

- You know what I dreamt last night?

- I can only dream!

- No, it was sad.  This guy was boxing up his electronics and trying to sell it to me for $160 or $120 as a package, but I wasn't saying anything.  

- You can probably sell it for more.

- The boxes were in a shopping cart—Yea, I'm sure it was worth more than that.  And he kept going down.  I think at the end he asked for $5 and I could see his face getting sicker.  I felt like crying when I woke up...like you, I guess.  I still remember the strain on his face.  He looked like a high school jock.

- I wonder what he's doing.

- (laughs) He asks about you.

- Let's take a selfie.

- I'm tired, Today.

- Today...Today?

- (groaning) Hmm?

- You asleep?

- Yea, I was having—

- Get up!

- What?  Why?  Wha' happen—

- C'mon.  I can't sleep.  I'm tired of lying around not sleeping.

- (groaning) Ohh, do I have to?

- Yes.

- (groaning) Do I have to?

- What did I just say?

- What did you...(yawning)..say?

- I said, Yes!

- Okay, okay...(murmuring)

- What?  Are you...are you crying?

- um-hmm...

- Jesus Christ.  Why are you—

- It's how I deal with waking up early.  It helps me cope.

- What the...

- It's like a splash to my face and now I can get out of bed!

- You're weird.  Come on, we're going to the donut shop, watch the game.

- The Kings game?

- You're a genius, you know that?  

- You said it's okay to be delusional.

- I know, be delusional.  Real's playing at 7AM.

- Are you asleep?

- Yes.  

- I think I might have SARs.

- I knew it was a bad idea to let you take those old newspapers from the garage sale.  

- Did you hear about that three pointer Robert Horry made against the Kings?  I saw the picture.  

- Go to sleep, Today.

- It must have been some game.

- Can you see?

- No.  Wait, I think I see a—No.  No...I don't think so. 

- Let me help.   I'll give you a lift. 

- Yea, help me up there.

- You think it'll hold?

- I'm not sure.  Here, let's buttress this bitch.

- How?

- Move back a little.

- Here?

- No, a couple more lines.

- What do you think?  

- Not much.  Go down one more.

- Here?

- All right, let's try it.

- Anything?

- The same.

- Ah, that's no good.

- It's no use....

- Ungood.

- It's as it should be, I guess.  Help me back down, Today....(both sigh, resigned)

- What do you think he's doing over there?

- No point thinking about something I can't control, is there?

- He's probably kissing your poems.

- (sigh)

- Touching her ellipses.

- It's not my ellipsis.

- I know, it's everybody's.

- Knock it off.

- You're right...I'm better than that...

- No, you're not.

- We're better than that.

- (singing together) 

Oh we oh, I look just like Buddy Holly.  Uh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.  I don't care what they say about us anyway, I don't care about that!

Oh we oh, I look just like Buddy Holly.  Uh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.  I don't care what they say about us anyway, I don't care about that!

Oh we oh, I look just like Buddy Holly.  Uh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.  I don't care what they say about us anyway, I don't care about that!

- You wanna drive thru?

- We gotta do something about your diet, old girl.

- Are you talking to me or your horse?

- Are you an old girl?

- That would make a lot more sense—then why'd you word it that way?

- What way?

- (both) Oh we oh, I look just like Buddy Holly.  Uh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.  I don't care what they say about us anyway, I don't care about that!

- Today?  Come on.

- Leave me alone.

- Where you going?

- None of your business.

- Come on, get in the back.  Check out our slab, man.

- Big deal.  

- C'mon, before I get a ticket for all the shit on the street.

- I could hear you coming.

- It's all gonna lead back to us.

- You're so selfish.  Everything I do for you—I'm always here when you need me, and then you forget about me when you decide to forget about me.

- (mutters) Yea that seems to be the case.

- You say we're together again, and then you insult me...so leave me be and do what you want to do, and I know what that is...

- I know, I don't have a good response...

- So?  Adidos amigos!

- Come on, my shit's all over the street.  Hey, why is your mom going to cancel your membership?  What happened to your money?  I mean, I know I'm not in any position to ask...

- None of your business...I spent the last of it on a present for you though.

- Really?

- I know I couldn't trust myself right now, so I thought I could get you something so you could go to the gym with me like we used to.

- You got me something?  What'd you get me?

- None of your business.

- Well, it kind of is—C'mon, what'd you get me?  Hold on—park, you fuckin' horse.  Ara, park!

- LA Gears, with the pumps.

- Like from the 90s?

- I know they were your favorite.

- Oh my god, I was the most popular boy in all of Massiv.  All the girls liked me and their brothers were after me...everybody was pumping my shoes.  They'd push me against the wall, threaten me...then they'd get down on their knees and pump my shoes.

- I bought them from a guy I met in class...

- I don't know what to say...

- Who knows how to get things...

- So...they're like, used?

- They're collectibles—antiques.  The guy's a real sharpshooter.  I thought you could go running in them since you were helping me get disciplined, or become a basketball player...then you disappeared again...

- Oh, jeez...shit.

- I kept them for you.  I pumped them a few times but—

- No, I'm sorry, Today.  I hope you can accept that.

- Well...do you have an extra helmet for me?

- Come on, hop on, it smells too much here.

- No, mom, I can't come home.  He's my friend—I can't leave him like this....Then I won't!  Look, mom, he's lost all his friends, his blog...his blog...(whispering) Mom, he just discovered he's a loser, I gotta be by—

- Stop whispering; I can hear you.

- Oh, he just woke up, the poor thing.  (whispering) He looks dreadful.

- Stop talking about me.

- (Today, still on the phone) No, don't cancel the membership!  I'm going to talk him into going with me.  No, don't cancel it!  Well, I don't know why...(whispering) I think he's gotten too fat to go.

- I haven't gotten too fat—I just don't want to go stupid swimming.  Seeing a protein bar makes me want to start crying.

- Mom, he's crying.

- I'm not crying.

- Oh, mom, I better tend to him. (click)

- I'm not crying.  It was an expression to reveal my existential conundrum.

- Oh, I don't care, baby, she's the worst.  I wanted to get off the phone.  This is so great!  Us together again, shacking it up together!  Mom's boring.  Come on, baby, let's go to the gym!

- Stop talking like you're a big fat black dude...ah, Today...I didn't mean it....where are you going?  He's gonna start crying now.  Great, one extremist helping another extremist. 

- Leave me alone.

- You look so dreamy when you sleep.

- I said leave me alone.

- Were you dreaming of sex?

- Let me sleep.

- Or were you dreaming of marriage?

- I was dreaming of others getting married.

- I got some food for us...

- Oh?

- While you were asleep.  I gathered some twigs and berries.

- Food's the only thing that—Wait a minute, these are twigs and berries.

- I know; we're living the outlaw life.

- We're not eating twigs and berries, Today.

- I was hunter gathering while you were dreaming of marriage.  Here, have a dried mulberry, my love.

- I'm going back to sleep.

- I fought off a squirrel for you.

(knock-knock)

- Yea, come in.

- Are you sure it'll be all right if I do?

- Will you hurry up and come in, Today?

- All right, what's up? Why'd you want to meet here?

- Need you to help me.

- Oh, back by popular demand, am I?

- Yea, some kind of demand.

- What happened?

- We gotta get this blog running again.  

- What happened to your other one?

- I got kicked out by...by some prick terrorist.

- What? How'd he kick you out?

- I don't know, he got into my account and changed the password, I think.  Then I couldn't remember the security questions cause I was—I dunno, don't ask me about computers and phones anymore.

- I'm not.

- Just don't do it...confusing myself to death.

- Okay, I'll try harder.

- I don't want you to say you'll try and then ask me about computers again...cause I won't have it.

- I'm going to make you a promise!

- Here, grab an end, wise guy.

- What we doin'?

- Isn't it obvious?

- I guess it kind of looks like a—

- We're propping up the blog.  You got it?

- I think I got it.

- Move back a little.

- Here good?

- You think so?

- I dunno.

- Prolly should take up a few more lines just to be on the safe side—keep moving back.

- You'll tell me?

- Yea, when I can see.  What have you been up to?

- You know me, without you I'm nothing.

- Every waking moment I've been asleep, too. 

- Here good?

- It's as good as it's going to get right now, I guess.

- Looks good.  What are we gonna do now?

- Lie underneath like scared little children who are afraid of the world.

- I brought some french fries.

still love.  

still love,

a few burittos

my brain or body keeps thinking it's hungry because of my recent behavior. It's all impulse. Having difficulty with my output, the writing.  Nothing too concrete, I keep falling over, trying to get some momentum going

still love,

still love,

a few burritos

Love for others is important these days.  Reading the news is like the beginning of some type of apocalypse, a brownie apocalyse

Last night I felt one of the most beautiful feelings of my life, when I gave up and let it out.  It was all impulse.  I knew if keep living for myself, I'll destroy myself, and it'll burn like hell.  I'll be so busy enjoying it, I won't give anyone a chance to love me. I cried the whole time on my bicycle ride home—well, I also stopped in a diner for a Thanksgiving dinner and had been up for a few days but whatevrr.  I was so happy, crying and singing for you; crying in there, too, smiling at people, talking to my food like they were little children, it was a sappy movie; I felt you were with me, and down the street, the people in other homes could hear it, the ecstasy in yearning.  I took a selfie for you while riding, it's on my phone.  I have tears and look worn, but there is joy erupting from my eyes.  And I'm just looking at you.

I gave up last night.  By 4PM the next evening, I was going to call my dealer again.  Fuckin' Santa Monica has the most beautiful people.  But in my brain, it gets corrupted and vulnerable.  Whatever I do today, is not enough for tomorrow.

I'm out of my depth here.

- What now?

- Try again, Today.

- Again?

- You're asking as if this isn't the eleventy-eighth time.  What else would expect I'd say?

- Let's play h-o-r-s-e again.

- Fuck you, I let you win, so you could feel good.

me

do the fuckin' reading, asshole!

- Nope, you're a whore.

- What are you talking about? That was nothing but net—

- Has to bounce off the board—

- Well in this case, nothing but air.

- Nope, h-o-r.  What does that spell?

- You didn't say anything about off the board.

- Mine did.  

- Yea, so?

- You have to make the same shot.

- I did.

- h-o-r—

- Mine was swish!

- You got your r, you got your r!

- Yours barely went in!

- Doesn't matter.  It has to—You got your r, you got your r!  It had to go off the board, playa.

- You didn't say that.

- One more letter and you lose.

- What about the e, stupid?

- Oh, I forgot.

- You can't just set the rules to your convience after you make the shot.

- It was implied.

- What, with your spelling?

- With my shot.

- You have call it before the shot, any stipulation.

- You're a stipulation.

- I made it, Today.  Isn't that all that matters?

- You're still just going to be a ho.

"What a drag!"

Game ends in a lackluster draw.  Came away with a point from today.  The home supporters leave the stadium feeling disappointed.

The manager's keen to have his celebratory cigarette.  A worrisome sign.  The press papers surely will deride him for the offhand gesture.

- Are you okay?  Today?  Today...

- Huh-what? 

- Don't want to bother you.

- Oh, looking at myself in the mirror.

- You looked thoughtful.

- Oh, I was.

- Hope you're okay. 

- Worried how I'm going to take all this weight off.

- Let's go swimming, then we can go eat. 

- I'm on a diet.

- That's why we go swimming.  But you have to watch what you eat.

- Oh, I will.

- We're not going to get soup with nothing in it.  Let's go, the pool's downstairs, but you have to take a shower first.

When I go lap swimming, and feel my body get caught up in the water, I look down at the long blue line at the bottom of the pool, and let it be my guide.  I fix my direction on that blue line, and concentrate on it as I feel my body weaken, until I get back to where I started and complete my lap.

- Do you think I'm delusional?

- It's okay, I am too.

- So you think I am?

- I just said, I am too.

- That means I am too.

- So you are...?

- Is that a question?

- Is there a question mark behind it?

- Yes.

- Then it was.

- No, I won't have it.

- Have what?

- Any of it.

- Any of what?

- All of it.

- Not even a little?  

- Stop messing with me.

- Then let me sleep.

- I'm afraid of my dreams.

- I don't c—

- She was at a laundry mat.

- Great.  What was she doing, her laundry?

- There were people there.

- Oh great.

- She was with other people.

- What were they doing?

- Their laundry. 

- Have you been bringing home a lot of wet clothes from the gym for your mom to wash?

- The laundry mat was down the street from me.

- Oh no.

- That means she was visiting.

- The laundromat?

- She knows that I live here.  She came and went without letting me know.  That means she didn't want to see me.

- Is there a laundromat down the street from you?

- No.

- Then leave me alone, Today.

- This is going to be great.  Go for the crab legs!  Make sure you go for the crab legs.

- I don't like crab legs.  

- We always go for the crab legs.  You gotta go for the crab legs, or you're an idiot!

- You go with your new friends?

- Here, grab some of the crab legs.

- No.

- Yea, those guys love to eat here.  Who wouldn't?  Hey, after the crab legs—you didn't get any crab legs?

- You're an idiot, Today.

- Let's go to the Mongolian grill section.  When the guy's not looking, use your hands to pack all the meat down in your bowl, so you can add more meat.

- You've been here before right?  

- Uh-huh, this is our spot.

- So haven't you figured out that it's already all-you-can-eat?  Why don't you just get another bowl after you're done?  You've already paid for that right.

- Damn right.  But it takes too long for the guy to cook everyone's food, then you gotta get in line again.  I don't want to get stuffed while waiting.

- What do you mean?

- You gotta trick your brain.

- You're learning so much in there.

- Yea, you got like 20 minutes to eat as much as you can before your brain realizes what's going on.

- That bastard!

- Don't let the waitresses see you doing it though—I mean, you can, but they give you dirty looks.

- Because of all the food that gets thrown away?  

- Yea, it's a waste of money.  

- What do they care?  They're just workers.  

- They care enough to give me dirty looks.  

- Maybe it's cause they know you're a cheapskate. 

- They're always giving me dirty looks.

- Probably cause you're not their boyfriend.  They probably just want you out for the next group.  They know at some point you can't physically fool them any longer.

- Hey, it's all-you-can-eat, not all-your body-can-take.

- This is your plan?

- Yep.

- Looks like a rock concert.

- We're just on the outskirts.  We can't awake the heart of it.

- Why not?

- Well, for one thing, they'll probably key the car, steal what they can grab, or steal you, my precious.

- Come on, let's go to the buffet.

- There's one.  Hand it to him.

- He wants another one, for his friend he says.

- All right, fine.

- Hold on, his friend is coming.

- Yea right.

- No, he's in a wheelchair.

- Okay give it to him.  

- Do we have any vodka?  He wants vodka.

- Roll up the window.

- Can't you do it?  This isn't 1980.

- Oh, right.

- Well, are you gonna go back?

- Shut up and keep talking—there's another one.  Hey, you hungry?  Give him one, he's an active one.  That's what I like to see!

- How long do we have to do this?

- We got until 11:59 buddy.

- Oh, look at this one's eyes.

- Don't talk to him.  Just hand it.

- He said give me another one—what a jerk.

- Don't get your feelings hurt.  

- These are gonna end up traded goods, yo. 

- Probably will.

- That guy wasn't even hungry and he took it.

- You're just saying that cause you're mad at him.

- Well, he didn't look hungry—he looked possessed.

- Then he's gonna have to eat if he wants to keep up his high.  It doesn't matter right now.

- What if he's a rapist?

- It doesn't matter.

- What do you mean it doesn't matter?

- Because we gotta click Post, asshole.

- We can get a lot of desserts at the buffet.

- Then look for another one.

- Another what?  Are you mad at me?

- Another bum!

- Why?

- So you're not thinking about yourself for awhile.

- I hope it's only for a little while.

- Me too.

- There's a lot over there.  What if they try to punch me?

- Then they're definitely mad at you. 

- Are you going to give them some?

- No.

- Why?

- Cause I don't have enough material and they might scratch the car.

- You can't feed all of them.

- We're not even feeding half the ones who took the bags, brown paper bags.  

- It's a nice bag.

- It sure is, Today.  Why don't you tell us what's inside?

- We have a water, an apple, a tangerine, a pack of peanuts—this lucky one has beef jerky—

- Stumbled upon a Premium one, eh?

- ...two packs of cheese crackers, chips, a grape drink—that's pretty racist.

- The Mexicans will drink it too, it's got sugar.  We should've gotten some of those spicy chips, Fuegos, they call it.

- But you can't feed all of them.

- But we're not really doing this for them, are we?

- You picked up.

- Well, you called.

- I just wanted to hear your voicemail.

- Oh.

- Yea.

- Okay.

- Me too.

- Oh.

- Eh.

- Another shitty day.

- What did you do?

- Everything I was supposed to do.  Nothing I wanted to.

- Then you're a hero.

- I don't feel like one.

- You're not supposed to.

- I want to drink.

- Big deal, I want to drink all the time.  If it was up to me, I'd be at a resort right now.

- But I have money now.

- What stopped you from drinking when you didn't have any?

- Nothing...these people suck. 

- Do you believe in God?

- Yea, but I gotta deal with the weather.

- Come on.

- Well, sometimes, but people get in the way.  They keep bugging me in class.  I was helping this guy pass out the books, and he said, "Give me the little ones," but I absentmindedly started handing him the big books, and he said, "These are the big ones," and I said, "I didn't hear you say the little ones."  But then I realized I was actually repeating the words he had said—so it means I had heard him say little ones.

- You just weren't paying attention at the time.

- And as I was telling him, I realized the smug bastard thought I'm was lying to him!

- What?  You lost me there.  

- I don't know, it's not important.

- Do you remember his name?

- He told me once, but I don't remember.

- You weren't paying attention.

- But I thought I was—I don't know, it's not important.

- Your brain was, but you weren't.  People were bugging me, too.

- What did you do?  Did you tell them to scram?

- Not Today.  I was...I was about to say, Scram!  But then I realized that I wasn't even listening and he still kept on talking.  So I just started laughing.  That's why I asked you about God.

- What does this have to do with God?

- Because he has a wicked sense of humor.

- How do you know?

- I don't.  It just helped me to think that, Today.   I just know that person stopped bugging me.

- Oh, he got angry and shut up?

- No, he kept on talking and went merrily on his way.  It wasn't him that was bothering me.  

- Was it some broad?

- Were you this stupid when I met you?

- Hey!

- And what are you doing standing there—make the coffee!

- What?

- Nothing, messing around.  I'll call you back.

- I'm not going to pick up.

- Thanks.

- That was a funny joke; she should have laughed more.

- It was.

- I better go tell her.

- Let it go, Today.  We already got our food...and I'm hungry.  

- Probably flirty with the cook—What's she doing with hamburgers when she's got prime rib right here?

- There's a table.  Come on.

- All right.

- So this is your campus, huh?

- Lots of girls!  

- Pray they have a sense of humor.

- Uh-oh, that guy's going to want to say hi.  Introduce yourself first so he can give you his name.  I've already gone a few exchanges to ask him his name now—better yet, let's go back around the other way.

- Just sit down.

- Okay, I'll have my back to him.  But if he comes around, you throw your name out before he talks to me.

- Why don't you just call him Playa.

- I'll figure it out while we eat...

- This looks really good.

- One of these days he's going to test me, I just know it...

- I think it's a pretty smart choice.

- Prolly just avoid him from now on...

- What were you talking about?  I wasn't listening...protein on my mind.

- Hey, I'm going to get a membership to the gym.  I took a tour of the place.

- Take advantage of the guest pass, Today.  You do it a couple times, and you can go with the momentum of a routine.  The hardest part is the anxiety before taking action, or in your case, the laziness.

- Oh, I'm going to take action—the tour girl told me they have financial aid available.

- For the gym?  

- Yea, I'm being real coy with her when it comes to fees because I want that money, but she's hot, too—so I don't want her to know I'm a freeloader.

- The gym's not going to give you money.

- Why not?  The school did.

- You gonna study, Workin' out?  The gym's a business—well, so is the school, but they mean a lighter payment plan for the poor.

- So how can I get them to think I'm poor—

- And the girl to think you don't live with your parents?

- Exactly.

- Why don't you ask your classmate?  The upstart.

- Oh that guy's making moves.  He's always got his ear to the street.

- You've had your ear to the street, too, lots of times.  Remember when I had to take you home?  Hey!  Sign up for the gym before you don't know what else to do with your hard earned money.

- All right, all right.

- And I'll go with you on your guest pass to get you into the habit, you know, sooner better than later.

- All right, I will...I got some homework to do tonight.  I want to keep up with this grandma for teacher's favor.

- Guess what?

- You have a plan.

- Oh, right, the fuckin' plan...

- What?

- Nothing, talking into air.

- What was it, your plan?

- Stop saying Plan—I can't work under these deadlines and parameters!

- What?

- Nothing, talking into air again... All right, you're free on Sunday?

- Yea.

- Nothing better to do with your time?

- I got some reading to do.

- Are you going to do it?

- I'll probably just think about myself.

- And you want to pay me back?

- Oh, definitely.  I'll do better than—Wait...you sly dog, I know what you're thinking!

- I don't think you do...

- Hey, buddy, you never called me back.  

- I did, you didn't pick up.

- You didn't leave a message; I didn't know if you had a Business or Social agenda in mind.  I figured you're thinking it over.

- Funny.

- Well, you said you had a plan in mind.

- No, you're right, Today.  I did—I still do.  I got caught up with myself.

- That's dangerous; you might never need a girlfriend again.

- Shut up.  

- I waited for you.  You didn't come by.

- I know.  It's dark now.  I got caught up with my ego.

- You have an ego, too?

- Oh, yea, a big one.  It's the heart of darkness.  I was pretty proud of my dietary choices and exercise routine yesterday so I wore a really stylish outfit.  This matches that and that matches this.

- I bet everybody wanted to cheat on each other when you passed by.

- That's the thing, I thought so, too.  Then I got resentful when they didn't!

- Well, that's perfectly reasonable.

- Yea for me and you.  But the next day, I ate everything, then ate everything else afterwards.  Then I slept.  But you know what?  I think it's just my body reacting to my vanity...

- The first three letters of that word make me picture a van.

- It's like my body couldn't keep up with my ego, unrealistic expectations, or the way I approach things.

- Or it could be the spirit of the universe reacting to your ego.

- Good point. 

- Yea, you think so?  School's working!

- I can tell.  And sometimes I need to be reminded.

- Hey, I feel fat, too.  I've been going to a lot of all-you-can-eat buffets with my classmates.  We're growing a king's belly.  Well, I'll be here tomorrow.

- I know—

- Hey, call me back real—

- No.

I'm going to eat the shit out of this place.

ring ring...

- Hello?

- What's up, player?

- Who is this?

- Today!

- You don't have a phone.

- Financial aid came in.

- Oh, God.

- Yea, this is really top of the line.  It's supposed to be the best—the guy told me.

- What guy?

- The guy who sold it to me...my classmate.

- Your classmate?

- Yea, he's a real upstart.  He said he's got a girlfriend and everything.  He gave me a real good deal, too.  Listen, I made a voice-mail that's very professional and shit.

- For your hookah reservations?

- They press 1 for Business, or press 2 for Social—but it all goes to the same voice mail!  

- You're a real jewel.

- I know, it's real classy.  Those assclowns won't know the difference.  I'm telling you, things are really coming up Today.

- I guess I'm happy you're coming up.

- You don't sound so happy... Hey, you don't sound like yourself.  What's up, playa?

- Stop calling me that.

- Sorry, I'm trying to fit in here.  So, what is it?

- I don't know, I don't feel good.

- What's wrong?

- Just some thoughts.

- What is it?

- Lovers wrapped up in cellophane.

- You're out of cigarettes? Call Marlboro.

- I'm not out of cigarettes.

- Yea, you'll never run out of cigarettes.  

- (sighs) You're funny.

- Just trying to distract you.  Hey, when the wind comes, I just let it go.

- You learn that in class?

- What can I do to cheer you up?  I got money now.

- It's not about cheering me up.  But, I got an idea of something we can do.

- Ok, I'll be here.  Come by.

- Okay, what we're going to—

- Hey, call me back real quick. (click)

- What?

 (ring ring...)

- Hi, you have reached Today!  I am unable to answer your call right now, but will return promptly.  For Business, press—

- (click) Fuckin Today...

It's over.  It's not happening anymore.  Whatever may be happening now is a different matter.  But what was happening years ago, for whatever reason you still think about it, or see it happening, you can take comfort in knowing it is not happening anymore.

By thinking about it, all I'm doing is indulging the sickness.  I'm a sick man; I'm a—no time for jokes!  

By thinking about I'm inviting it.

How do I stop it?

I can only accept.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it. 

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it.

I can only accept it,

- What do you think of my English essay?  I'm supposed to write about people I admire.

- I can't believe you're doing this.  

- Why not?  You believed Marlboro Black was made in honor of you.

- Those classes are meant to teach newcomers English.

- I thought you said I was a newcomer?

- I said you're no spring chicken.  Nevermind.  Whatever.  Let me see:

People I Admire by Today.

I don't like people who are motivated by money because they make more money than me and start families.  Their success is measured by money and how many little ones they pop out, and technically that makes them more successful than me.  Lots of people I know are technically more successful than me.  Some are in business, and some are trying to become lawyers and doctors.  Women go with them because they provide security—

"Go with them?"

- Uh-huh.

- ... They are not artists.  Some artists make money off their work and they are also technically more successful than me.  A lot of these people ignore me.  I don't like these people because they are stupid, and they're motivated by money.  Some people I know have businesses or careers and make money.  They call me sometimes so we can go eat.  I like those people.

- What do you think?  I think it gives me street cred.

- You live with your parents.

- Days of the week don't live with their parents.

- At least pretend you're learning the language—you're sentences all, technically, make sense.

- Are you kidding?  Some of the people in there, the teacher already thinks are great writers.  But some keep failing. 

- Keep, "Go with Them."  Definitely.

- There's a husband and wife that keep arguing in class.

- Why?

- The husband doesn't want any of the other guys to look at her.

- Hey.

- What is it?  I don't have any spare—Oh, it's you.

- Good one.  

- I know, I heard someone else say it.

- That was me.  Well, you sound cheery.

- Oh, you're right.  I think you used it on me once.

- On you it's not a joke—ohh!  Got you.

- Scum liar!

- So did you do anything to make yourself useful today?

- Funny.

- No, seriously, Today.  Remember what we said about doing something different to try to change your thought patterns?

- Well I was asked to lead a Procrastinators' meeting, but then they called and said they're going to have it later.

- Come on, you may not be your thoughts, but you'll always be your actions, Today.

- You probably read that in a book.

- I'm sure I've heard it before.

- Okay, I'll tell you.  It's not much.  I was hanging out at the local campus...

- What were you doing, absorbing the scenery?

- Eating...and checking out the girls.  I heard one guy say there's a student with assburgers or authorism who needs someone to take notes for him during class...

- Great, so you volunteered.

- No, why?  He was already doing that; I signed up for a class on campus.

- Oh, well, still...brush up on some learning...keeps you busy—what class?

- English!

- But you already know English.

- Yea, but you can get some financial aid money.  Straight up, cash.

- Jesus.

- Put some money together, and then I can open up my own hookah bar.

- Tell them to get in their stupid cars, give up their spot, so I can park there.

- Will you shut up!  I've had enough of you today.

- Let's key that car.

- Okay, but we gotta find parking first.

- Of course, the key is in the ignition—idiot!  I'm such an idiot!

- Shut up, I said, Today.

- I'm steaming!

- What's a matter, Today?

- Her!

- What?

- That one right there!  Her—her friend, too.  But mainly her.

- What'd she do?

- She didn't laugh at my jokes.

- So what?

- She doesn't like me—she didn't laugh at my jokes.  Someone else!  Someone else is her liking him!

- What?

- She was probably thinking of her boyfriend, that tramp—her current boyfriend.

- She could have been.

- And then all of a sudden, they don't know each other anymore. They know what each other looks like naked, but they don't know each other.

- You should arrest them.

- Let me tell you something, if she didn't laugh at my jokes, then she's stupid, she's got some feminist racist vendetta against me...

- Racist feminists, huh?

- Or she was thinking about some...some chump.

- So maybe it went over her head.

- Don't patronize me.

- So what if she wasn't listening to what you have to say.

- I don't like it.  It displeases me.

- I can tell—you went from smile to homicidal.

- If she doesn't—let me tell you something, that's why people like me...people like me write the books and people like her read them.

- Which books?

- I'm just saying.  So she can tell other people she's read this and that.

- Other guys.

- Especially other guys—why else say you do anything?  So he can fuck her!  That's why.  So she can sit at a coffee shop and hold the book over her face like a cunt.

- This is great third-date talk.  

- She's a lady on the street until she fornicates. 

- I don't want to hear this anymore.

- She wants to get gifted.

- What did we say about the ego?

- That some dogs are bitches.

- If you're going to talk like that, it does me no good to listen to you.

- Oh, so you're going to ignore me, too.

- They're not ignoring you—they're just indifferent.

- Well that's even worse!

- And her indifference could be the sea, but what does that have to do with you?

- Fuck her!

- I don't think she wants you to, buddy boy...

- Eh.

- Come on...you know, such is life.

- That's what she probably says to her French lover when she thinks about me!  He's probably not even French, but just speaks it, and that gets her—

- Hot to trot.  Let me ask you a question, do you have stuff you should be doing right now?

- Are you asleep?

- Yes.

- Can I ask you a question?

- In your dreams.

- Do you think all dogs like me?

- Are you fuckin kidding me?  Ara, go to sleep.

- It hurts my feelings when I think a dog might not like me.

- Jesus Christ.

- Because I like all dogs.  Even pitbulls—it's not their fault their owners are assholes.

- Do you know what egotistical means?

- It's when you think you're the shit, and everyone else is gay.

- Sort of.  But the ego lies with your fascination of how you are perceived.  And the tendency to get emotional because you are not regarded in a way you feel you should be, is sort of egotistical.

- What does that have to do with the little cuteness monsters?  

- Go to sleep, Today.

- I don't think I'm the shit.  

- Today? Today?  C'mon buddy, where are you?  Today?  Come on, I know you're in here.  Look, I didn't mean it—it's not a big deal.  My promises are just as flimsy as yours, if not more.

- Go away.

- Ah, you spoke to me!  You want to make amends.

- Leave me alone.

- Well, it's a start.  Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.  I was projecting, but now, I'm simply sorry I hurt you. Don't hide in here on account of me.  I shouldn't have that much influence over you.

- Oh, you don't.

- Maybe not on my own, wise guy.  Come on, let's go outside.  Let's make something of our lives today—I'll buy you cigarettes.

- I have a pack.

- How'd you get a pack?

- I don't need you to undermine me everytime I ask for one.

- I know; I won't. 

- Someone gave it to me.

- Come on, have one with me outside.  Let's make something of the day.

- You're not going to make me pass out food to those bums outside are you?

- Yea, but then we'll go someplace and have a nicer lunch than them.  We'll get our dessert.

- Well, maybe.

- They'll be girls to look at.  And they'll look at you!

- Okay, hold on, I'm coming out.

- I want to be normal, Today.

- You can't.

- Maybe you can't; no one wants to date a day of the week.  Ah, jeez, I didn't mean it that way.  Today?  I went and hurt his feelings again.

- (sighs). 

- Have one.

- I'm good.

- C'mon, be somebody.

- I just had one.

- All right, then let me get one of yours.  I'll trade you.

- Here.  Pull it out.

- Thanks.

- Let me see your pack.

- You got me!

- I'll do the bathroom; you mop the front.

- Okay.

- Hey, make sure you dust mop first.

- Yea yea.

- And use the little broom and pan looking thing.

- Whatever.

- I'll whatever you.

- Enjoy scrubbing the toilet.

- I might...if I'm exposed to it enough times.

- uh uh ee ee ah ah ee ee uh uh ee ee ah ahah—and that's how you dance!  

uh uh ee ee ah ah ee ee uh uh ee ee ah ahah—and that's how you dance!  

- You're making a fool of yourself.

-  uh uh ee ee ah ah ee ee uh uh ee ee ah ahah—and that's how you dance

- Stop it.

- Shut up, Today.  uh uh ee ee ah—

- Okay, then let's dance!

- Just go to sleep.

- She wants to have a threesome.

- Does it bother you?

- Yes.

- Then go to sleep.

- But she said she wanted to have a baby.

- Can you have a baby?

- No, only she can.

- Then go to sleep, Today.

- But I can't sleep.

- Trust that your body will get tired.

- What if it doesn't?

- Then take comfort in that fact till it does.  It feels good knowing you can't deny a fact, doesn't it?

- I guess so.

- Good night, Today.

- Whenever I'm idle, I realize, my life's kind of empty...you know?  How long can I keep this charade up?  Sometimes, I feel like I'm wearing this mask, that I gotta—

- I'm not going to let you borrow more money; I know your pensive hour.

- Oh.  What are we at, is it—

- It's a square even ten.  But I'm not concerned about that right now...

- Not right now?

- Just work on keeping your head up.  I don't want you using this to...

- But you're gonna want it later?

- Sonuvebitch.

- Of course—what am I saying?  Of course, it was a square deal—

- Will you shut up and let me talk for once?

- Sorry.  Go ahead.

- I don't want to add any extra stress from my end; knowing you, you'll use stress to boost the potency of your cravings.

- I am pretty hungry, but I'm short on—

- Shut up.

- Okay.

- What have you done today to keep you from doing the same thing over again?

- Umm...what?

- What have you done today to keep you from repeating the same mistakes?  What have you done differently to prevent your mind from falling into the same patterns as before?

- You mean before you gave me the six bucks?

- Ten.

- Ten, right.  

- Come on.

- Oh, there's so many days in the week—why me?

- What?

- It's my day off.

- There are no days off.  What do you do when your mind gets idle?

- None of your business—C'mon, I'm hungry.

- I'm not your business partner.

- okay

- All right, sorry.  I didn't mean it like that. We'll go eat.

- Let's go now.

- I don't want this bum outside my store begging for change.

- Hey, I'm no bum; I'm a Capitalist.

- Today?

- It's an investment...jerk.

- I got this, Al.

- ...jerky, jerk, jerk.

- Get him outta here.

- I'll take him—Don't worry, Al.  I got him.

- Just get him outta here.

- Okay.

- Hey, Buddy!  Do you want to get some breakfast?

- Are you drunk, Today?

- He stinks of booze. 

- Here, grab on to me.

- He stinks, he does.  I don't want him around.

- I don't stink—I'm drunk!  The jerk...

- Come on, Today; let's go.  I'll see you later, Al.

- Take care of the fool.

- Don't worry, I'll make sure he gets the care he—

- Shut up, Today.  Let's go.

- Do you still want the three dollars I owe you?

- It's not three—it's ten.

- Oh...are you...shhhuure?

- Yea, I'm sure.  What happened to you?  You were doing so good.

- The Russian broad came over—Hey!  Don't you call her Russian...she's my girlfriend.

- She's not your girlfriend.

- She wanted alcohol...sweet, maple syrup.

- Yea, did she even get any?

- I gave it to her.

- Did she get any of the alcohol?

- Oh, I gave it to her good!

- She's not good for you, Today.  I should have never given you money.  You were doing so good.

- I love you.  You're my business partner, you know that?

- Come on, let's go.

- These days, you can get breakfast all day...

- Buddy boy, c'mere a minute.  I want to talk to you.

- What's up, Bob?

- Name's not Bob.

- Yea, and what's my name?

- Good point.  Hear you been looking for Today—Where's your drink?

- No drink; just Today.  So you've seen him?

- Oh, no; I haven't seen him.

- So why'd you call me over here?

- (Marcy) He just needs someone to talk to.

- I gotta go. 

- Tell me your feelings.  Another round, Marcy. (Shouting after him) I want to absorb your emotions!

- (Marcy) Absorb this, Bob.

-  Seen Today around?

- (Marcy, wiping down beer mug) Not today.  Why?  You didn't let him borrow money did you?

- I gotta go.

- Where are you going?

- Isn't it obvious?  I'm going to buy some TV dinners.

- You intrigue me...

- Just living out the dream.

- You'd think you'd cut back on granular spending, seeing as how...

- I'm not that kind of man, Roxenne.

- Love how you don't say the wrong name right.

- I don't get off on the smug assurance of saving money, like other men.  No, the power of value, of a good deal—it doesn't do it for me.

- Hot.

- ... It's either that or let my mother sabotage my diet every night.  

- So arroused right now...

- I mean, Mom. Then resent her for my own weaknesses—I mean, I don't think she's plotting.

- Nothing weak with what you got.

- You sexualize me.

- Uh-hmm...

- Have you seen Today?

I owe you some money right?  Today goes, What is it, 2, 3 dollars?

- 6.

- $6, of course.   Are sure it's 6—of course it is. What am I saying?  How could it not be—you sure?

- I'm pretty sure, buddy.  I was certain the last time you asked.

- Right, of course, of course it is.

- You don't have it, do you?

- Oh, well, listen: it's no problem.  But why don't you give me—if you were to give me 4 dollars, see?

- 4 more dollars?

- Yes.

- On top of the 6?

- That way I can return to you an even 10 dollars on your investment this time next week.

- My investment?

- Of course.

- ...I love it!

I let Today borrow more money because I was in such a good, passive mood.

Today was trying too hard.  Take it easy, buddy!  You don't have to pay me all at once.  I gave today a noogie, and sent him on his way.

Today came  

and needed to eat some salad.

I was chopping lettuce.

So I did, I did—

I let Today borrow some money.

- Tags God in—and the crowd goes wild!

- Today couldn't get there in time.

- You can't keep a man away from his own conception.

- That's right Jim, the last place Today wants to be is in a vertical suplex from God.

- Oh what he wouldn't give to be at the kitchen table with his mommy! 

- He hits the ropes—Hurricanrana!

- Today's not getting up from that!

- He's thinking about spreading some cream cheese on his toast and dipping it in his tea.

- His tea?

- 1-2-3, forget about it!

- We have new tag team champions!

- Give them the belts!

A strong, silent type man nods to another day as they pass one another on the sidewalk. The man is wearing a black coat, and a large hat.  There is no confrontation, nor is there ill-will in the exchange; neither are there any further pleasantries.  There is only regular walking, and no indication of fancy walking.  

The Almighty Diet Coke may have to go.

But I don't need water, I'm not hungover. 

lots of grunting

I feel like a construction worker!

There's not much to say.  I never claimed to be an artist; I'm a man of opportunity.  I knew where the line was drawn, and I knew full-well what I had to do to get over it.  Any poacher would have seized the moment on impulse.  Anybody else would have done the same.  It came from the corner, and the bumbling novice made a muck of it.  I tapped it in—of course I did.  I scored a goal against today. 

We feel fat this morning

sometimes feelings are a matter of body chemistry I heard someone say, so I shouldn't get all bent out of shape if I don't feel good, or sad, or terroristic, and bombs—my stomach hurts...  And glory, morning glory...

Here, I'd like to reference myself again:

Drop off the kids

and drop some bombs;

open up the flood gates—

Here I comes!

fade 

away jumper,

right over today.

I'd like to one day be the guy in the grocery line at 12:30am buying some TV dinners for the week to take back to his little apartment.  Sure he'll be a little bit sad, but he can hold his head up.  

Hmm, kinda sounds like the description of a serial killer. 

Gotta walk the dogs more.

more than human

Depth and weight: my nerd angels

I'm almost nailing today.

Another day.  Nailed it.

Poetic Justice: I'm doing hall clean up alone this week.

My name is George, I'm bald and I live with my parents.

The most selfless thing I can do is reach out to people when I'm suffering.

My brain will hate it.  My brain will fuckin hate it!  Contrary action.  It'll be great!

Daily Goal: Head in the book

You know I've read War and Peace.  It's been done.  I had a blast.  I don't have room for excuses anymore.  There's not much more to say.  Even small passages at a time are forms of action, and keep me moving.  I mean, you know who I am? 

- He's read War and Peace.

That's right, baby.

- He had a blast; he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Ugh! Bitch.  You know who I is?

- He's done things.

- He's a mover. 

- A shaker.

- A master blaster!

Hey, easy now...

And sometimes, boo, I'll be praying, and instead of praying, I'll be saying Moses Malone.

I've been too depressed to take a shower.  And that makes me irritated cause I keep scratching myself.  Aside from staying sober, I'd like to take a shower, my love.

I don't want to go to West Central.  I'll take lots of showers there.

I'm suffering, boo.  I'm suffering real boo. I hate myself.  And I think that's good, in that I may build some foundation from it. My only goal is to put some time together, go easy on my brain, not think too much.

My only goal today is to sleep tonight.

P.O. Box

EatKhash

263 W. Olive Ave #244

Burbank, CA  91502

See if anyone wants to say hi...

Do not write "P.O. Box" in the address.  It'll go to the post office.  It was cheaper over here.  I'm not Donald Trump.

I used the city of Burbank because it's closer to the studios, that's all.

If you're going to send me junk mail, I must warn you,  I have the tendency to look for messages and codewords in spam.  My head will be in a circular motion all day if it's actual junk.  A clusterfluff, if you will.